Emotions

They expect me to be a walking ray of sunshine and it is exhausting for me to bear. I am supposed to be unafraid in the face of pain and calm during the moments of crisis, but I am human, and I am not as strong as they want me to be. I feel sad when things don't happen the way I want them to, annoyed when people bother me, and mad, happy, glad, and more during all hours of the day. I am as complex as nature made me, chemicals swirling through me modulating how I feel, attached to a mind that does its best to maintain me through the day. That is all that I am. 

I am expected more. 

I have to be resilient against stress, a sponge against the evils of time, soaking up everything happening around me without expressing how I feel, what these things do to me. Even in moments of doubt, of confusion, I am treated like my unlikeable traits are a burden on the rest of the world, like somehow I cannot have my own reactions to the many problems that arise in any normal day. Why am I forced to feel guilty for not being happy and pleasant all of the time? I am not irrational in my attitudes throughout the day, but when something happens, why am I forced to feel like anything less than a smile is somehow a plight against the grains of society? 

I will no longer let anyone dictate how I am supposed to feel ever again, if only to maintain ownership of who I am. I will scream in moments of rage, love in moments of passion, and I will let my emotions, no matter how undesirable to the perceptions of society's gaze, roar like the thunderstorm it can be. The world has told me what to do enough, you have told me what to do enough. No more. I am mine, and my emotions are here to stay.