Politeness

To be polite is to be boring. I don't know what's right anymore, to be honest. The hundreds and thousands of people that I must have encountered in my life, and the strangers that stick out are the ones that were strangely negative. The guy that yelled at me when I was five in a post office close near downtown LA. Jaime, my neighbor's cousin who would always make fun of me when I lived in Scotland. Shannen, who I never recovered a friendship with once we got caught smoking weed. The asshole dude who screamed at me when I used one of his parking spots last month. 

What is it to do right in this world, and why does that contrast so heavily with what's memorable or fun? Probably from an evolutionary standpoint it makes sense. But I have felt for a while that my politeness has inhibited me from being honest. But to be honest 100% of the time would be obnoxious. To push for my agenda all of the time would be selfish. To be spontaneous all of the time would be irresponsible. I feel like it's inhibited me from doing a lot. I've second guessed myself and never let go. I hate being a hassle to anyone else

My culture is collectivist. Think about everyone else, what would be easiest on them? Think about the others, what would they say? Think about everyone but you. Because you are last. What everyone else says defines you. 

I'm going to spend 2017 trying to be the person I want to be. I'm not sure I know what that means. I think spontaneity, more than abandoning my politeness might be more in line with what I want. But who knows? Maybe I just really want to be a big bitch in 2017. 

I joke, I joke. 

P.S. Working in music ironically makes me listen to less music every day. Downloading albums like a madman to catch up.