I've been thinking a lot about leaving Los Angeles lately, ever since a potential job opportunity came up and there's a chance it might require me to move to another country. The idea of moving to another city in and of itself is exciting, the idea of me moving to another country is damn near exhilarating. New landscape, new friends, new world... the traveler within is bursting at the seams with the thought of all of the potential things that could happen. But then I think about here, and my home, and everything I worked to build. I became an adult here. My memories are rooted here. I don't know an adulthood that doesn't involve Los Angeles being at the center of it all and it's admittedly scarier than all the moves I did when I was a kid.
And Eze has been talking about moving to London the last week and a half too. Which is great, he should if that's what he wants. He's spent his whole life in California, I can imagine the rest of the world being a mesmerizing mirage of colors, smells, and sounds, and feeling like he hasn't spent enough time out of LA's rugged bubble. I still am curious as to why London, but every time we talk about it, I feel like we're both dancing around a subject we're not quite ready to confront yet, so I haven't gotten around to asking. I don't know what this all means. Part of me wants to start asking all of my UK homies to be on the lookout for graphic design jobs for him. Part of me wants to look for UK jobs for myself now, but maybe he would prefer to leave and start fresh, and that means me being a part of his history more than pairing up for a new adventure together. The last part is the part of me that wants him to stay. I don't think I'm that clingy, but things are going well (at least I think it has been), so I just haven't been doing any thinking about life after Eze, and hate that I might be confronting it soon.
I'm also scared I don't know an LA without him anymore either. I mean, I went to school here, but that feels like another time. When I came back to LA post-grad, I was basically on my way to being serious with him. What's the city going to be like when he stops being around? I wasn't planning on confronting that reality any time soon, and now I feel like it's something I should start mentally preparing for.
I don't even want to get into the future of the Fortune Cookie Flows here, but I think about that too.
Not that there is anything to confront. Absolutely nothing has been confirmed in terms of jobs, so these are all nothing but non-problems and what if scenarios, but everything has been so great lately, I hate thinking about the potential that this might be our reality ~6 months down the line. I want him to pursue everything that will help him feel fulfilled in is life, but I also want to fit in somewhere in the pieces of the puzzle that will be his life. I guess the same could be said of me though, if I got the job I applied for, I have to ask some tough questions for myself too.
How do we get the adventure we crave without losing us in the process?
I can't help but feel like this will all sit on my mind for a while.